In one month, it will be a year since I've moved to Orange County. And my gosh, what a year it's been. This is the place where most people would type out that if they could change anything they wouldn't. I can't honestly sit here and say that. If I knew what I knew now, then, this great adventure probably would have never happened.
It's been a great struggle since the first day. A struggle that's beat me up and tore me down. And I started to give in....
The past few months have been an emotional roller-coaster. You see, for awhile, I almost quit my job and moved back home. I was tired of living paycheck to paycheck and even that not being enough, I was tired of missing my family and best friends. Tired of being so disconnected from everything. I wanted it to end, and things to go back to how they were.
I considered all my options, and consulted the wisest group of people that I ever had the privilege of knowing. A group that are the absolute closest people to me. And while their advice differed, it did speak to me.
You see, I moved and thought I knew what Faith was. I've always been Christian, but never had to live off solely trusting God. And that's what I was about to learn how to do...
I always thought that when faced with a struggle, that was God saying that door is closed. But it's not. It's the opposite. You have to work for what you want, He isn't going to hand it to you on a silver platter.
I spent countless hours at Disneyland on my days off, sitting on a bench in the Hub or Main Street, and just thinking. What would I do if I moved back home? What will I do if I stay? Do I feel that staying and continuing to fight for my dreams is the right thing to do? Until recently, I couldn't answer these tough questions.
I'm not going to answer these questions for all to see, but I will say that I finally, after almost a year, have found my place and made peace with it. For awhile I thought following my dreams was wrong. That I should be doing something else. And that's when I threw everything up in the air and just said to myself, if God wants me here then I'll stay. If he doesn't he'll close the door.
The door has remained open.
My lease is nearing its end. My living situation is up in the air. The struggle is still here. But now, I know what true Faith is, I know what it means to live off Faith, even when you have $1.36 in your bank account for a week. I know that I have nothing to worry about and that God will always be there for me. I know that following my dreams is ultimately following God, and he has plans for my life. And so I'm trusting him with everything, and I know it will ALL work out. I know where I stand, and I'm going to rise up and take that place in life with the help of God.
I've had one heck of a support system behind my every step. Where I come from, moving is a BIG deal. Many people don't make it a few months, let alone a year. Many don't follow their dreams. But I did. And I will continue. Just know that even if I don't get the chance to tell you directly, I appreciate everything you all have done for me. I couldn't have done it without the encouragement I've gotten.
I already have big plans I'm working on. This dream and adventure is just getting started. And I can't wait to take you all with me.
