Weary Soul

Have you ever been to a place where you can feel inside you that you don't fit in, and that you won't last long here? I'm sure you have. I think we all have felt that way at one point. And, well, I've been feeling that way now.

As some of you know, for the past two months, I've been training at my new job. And let me start off by saying, it's really a great job. My position as opener is a good one, and I'm getting the hours. In fact, my hours seem to be increasing as I learn more. Which is great!

But I don't feel right about this place. And that's unfortunate. Lately I've just been manning up and doing my job. Clocking in, doing what I know, and clocking out. But here's the deal: It seems I can't do anything right there. I'm still new. I don't know how to make everything on our menu. I'm trying to pick it up as fast as I can, but it's such a large menu that I'm struggling with it. And I think everyone there is getting frustrated with me. That, and I'm still trying to get my morning routine perfected, so I'm not all that fast, which puts everyone behind for the day. (Remember, I was hired as an opener. I make sure everything on the food-side of things is ready and good to go. But if I don't finish a task due to customers, or any other reason, others fall behind too.)

But not only am I struggling a little with my actual tasks. I also just simply don't fit in. Most of my co-workers (including some managers) like to drink. Like to smoke. And apparently do quite a bit of drugs. The thing is, it's not really a secret. They freely talk about how they are hung over, how they partied too much the night before (4-5 times a week usually), and how they had a good batch of "stuff" the other day. And then there's me... Just there, trying to do my work. I just don't feel welcome there, to be honest. It's not my group of people.

Like I said though, the job is a great one. Yeah, it's tough at times. Getting up at 3:50Am everyday is no easy task, and it's physically and mentally demanding throughout my shift. By far one of the hardest jobs I've ever had. However, if perfected, it's not all that bad.

I've been fed up lately. Bad. I've been deep in prayer about things, and randomly going off on friends. But the past few days I've opened my eyes. Things really aren't so bad for me. Others have it much worse. I should be thankful.

Then an email came that changed everything. I'm not going to say much because if one of my co-workers happened to stalk me a little online, or wanted to add me on Facebook and somehow read my blog, I don't want them reporting back to anyone at work and causing drama and problems for me. So all I'm going to say is this:

In a little over a week, I have the happiest interview on earth.